I love walking. I walk a lot in London. Grudge tells of some of the stories that float in my head when I walk. There is something beautiful about walking in a big city, getting lost in the crowd, feeling that loneliness that comes with being surrounded by people by remaining in your individual isolation. Being just with yourself when life buzzes around you, indifferent to who or what you might be. You may dream, cry, smile, feel sad or happy, just on your own. Watched, to a degree, but not cared for. It’s pure. It’s life.
I have a love and hate relationship with London. It’s been going on for a good while and doesn’t seem to fade! Sometimes we can find beauty in things that are worrisome and downright scary. Isn’t that what life is about? Isn’t that great?

I am a stranger in this place
Faces and sounds without grace
I am a stranger in this world
Hanging on yesterday’s word
Like peeling an apple of its skin
Like freedom as a deadly sin
Like running through a field of green
Like kissing a lover for what’s been
I am a stranger in this city
Words and songs carry no pity
I am a stranger in this dive
Carrying a burden of mine
Like moving through water with no weight
Like losing your head for a heavy weight
Like I took you at your word
Like a fool I’ve got burned
I am a stranger in this room
You couldn’t see where I’ve been
I am a stranger in this bed
My dreams belong to another’s head
Like waiting for angels who can’t fly
Like wearing loneliness as a charm
Like screaming when no one hears
Like the city that never sleeps


Only Heartache

Get over it
It’s only heartache
You are broken now
But it will pass
Get over it
It’s only heartache
You’ll mend in the end
It just takes time
This is a rough sea
Try to hang on
It’s not hell
It’s not the end of time
This is a rough sea
Try to hang on
You loved him so
Now you’re alone
Get over it
It’s only heartache
You’ll sail through it
Half damaged and sad
Get over it
It’s only heartache
You’ll hear the words
Like white noise
Get over it
It’s only heartache
You’ll walk again
Stumbles and small steps
Get over it
It’s only heartache
Noone can see
What is in your heart
It’s never only heartache. If it is, it wasn’t heartache at all.
Sheboshka completed ‘only heartache’ in London, February 2014.


Departure is a love song. Like most love songs it’s about sadness, loss and desperation. Sheboshka search and strive for simplicity. Love is complex, yet very simple. Raw emotion makes it special, its vulnerability makes it beautiful.

Each single time I sing ‘Departure’, I think of a black and white movie where eyes do the talking and dramatic gestures carry heavy emotion. When words cannot convey your sorrow, what do you do? Is it possible to silently love and quietly depart?

Departure was written in Cyprus.

I talk to you
Some nights all through
In a language
You never knew
Now it’s too late
For happy endings

Say a word I stay
Say a word I leave
Say a word I stay
Say a word I leave

Don’t say

Sheboshka wrote ‘Don’t say’ in London in June 2012 when the lyrics of a cluster of songs came to me that summer. Listening to ‘Half a man’ by Tom Baxter, I was inspired by these lines; ‘no, it can’t be over, please tell me it’s not over, it can’t be over’. The passion and the intensity of those lines led me to write the lyrics for ‘Don’t say’.

When something seems so incomprehensible that you just cannot cope. When understanding the meaning of the words doesn’t make it possible to accept them. ‘It can’t be over.’ When two people can’t and don’t meet in the middle. When each of them love so differently than the other. When there cannot ever be ownership in love.

It’s for those times that we love. It’s for those times that we suffer. Sometimes it’s all in a tune.

What if I love you
Like never before
What if you don’t
Not so much anymore

What if you stay out
Sometimes two weeks at a stretch
What if I take you back
Everytime you want back

Don’t say we’re done
Don’t say you’ve gone
Don’t say you own me
‘Cause you don’t


Sheboshka wrote Ladybird in June 2012 in London. A few movies, a few tunes inspired us. I wrote a short story a short while ago around that time called ‘Eternal Child’ about a girl who fell in love. Then I thought she should have a song written about her. That’s how Ladybird came about. Songs to me are about stories. When you tell a story, sometimes you find meaning and feeling you never thought you would. That is the beauty of it.

When he said it’d be ok
She believed him without fail
When he left without a trace
She waited all day just in case

Time didn’t stop for him or her
It was so hard to live or die
She didn’t know
Which one was right

Ladybird, are you really a lady?
Do you have the answers and
Will you tell me?
When it stops raining
All the green is waiting
Will you come back and
Will we be playing?

Ben Değilim

‘Ben degilim’ is a song by one of my favourite Turkish singer/songwriters Ilhan Irem. It was released in the 1981 album ‘Bezgin’. Ilhan Irem songs, especially from the 70’s and 80’s era are special to me. I was doing a lot of growing up then and his lyrics/music were my saviours during those delicate times.

I have recently come across an interview that upset me immensely. Ilhan Irem, answering a question about why his songs are not covered by other artists often, said that although other artists may bring other colours to his music, he doesn’t think anyone but himself would do justice to his songs with their emotional depth and artistry and covers or tributes are insincere art forms. I do respect his opinion but disagree.

My strong belief is that music is universal, whatever the language or influences that led to its creation, everyone can relate to it at one level. Sheboshka write their own material and also cover songs from their favourite artists. Covering a song, to me does not mean you are mimicking or competing with an artists but showing your appreciation of their art and, if you are fortunate enough, adding a bit of your story into theirs.

Sheboshka currently have two songs by Ilhan Irem in their set list. As we believe they are done with the utmost respect and sincerity to the original artist, we will keep them in our set list but in the future we see no point in covering any Ilhan Irem songs, knowing his particular opinions about the subject. This makes me sad.

Dokunmayin bu aksam
Gozyasiyla doluyum
Artik resimlerde kalmis
Bir sevdanin kuluyum

Hayir, ben degilim
Ben olamam yanindaki
Hayir, ben degilim
Boylesine dopdoluyken
Bugun gozlerim
Nasil da gulmusum
Su resimlerdeki gibi

Roughly translates;
Don’t bother me tonight
I’m full of tears
I’m a slave to a love affair
That remains only in pictures

No, that can’t be me next to you
No, that can’t be me close by your side
While my eyes are filled with tears today
How could I have laughed like I did in those pictures


Libertango is written by famous composer Astor Piazzolla, recorded in 1974 in Milan. Grace Jones wrote lyrics to the piece with Barry Reynolds, recording it in 1981 under the title ‘I’ve seen that face before’. Musically we’ve taken the Grace Jones version as our inspiration so we try and keep a bit of a reggae backbeat going. In keeping with our Turkish focus, we decided to write additional Turkish lyrics to replace Jones’ French ones. We wanted our additional lyrics to reflect the darkness and the passion of the music.

Strange I’ve seen that face before
Seen him hanging round my door
Like a hawk stealing from the prey
Like the night waiting for the day

Gozlerin kalbimde ayak izleri
Olumsuz asklarin dans sahnesi
Ellerin bir avci kapani
Dudaklarin tutkudan yarali

Translates as;
Your eyes are footsteps in my heart
The stage of eternal love
Your hands are the snares of a hunter
Your lips are wounded by passion

Kapilari kapatsak
Bitmeyen bir duse dalsak
Ask ruya sonsuz
Ask ruya sonsuz

Translates as;
What if we close the doors
And fall into a never ending dream
Love dream forever
Love dream forever


Sen Sevme Beni

‘Sen sevme beni’ is sung by Turkish singer Alpay who is known for his melancholy, soft love songs. It was actually a cover of the original version ‘Amour perdu’ by the 1960’s famous Belgian/Italian composer/singer Salvatore Adamo. Like most of the songs we’re currently covering, songs by Alpay are and will be always special to me. My mother, who’s at the root of my love for music, listened to these songs continuously and was particularly fond of Alpay, like most female listeners of her time!

Sen sevme beni sen sevme beni
Askin da yalan senin gibi

Gecelerimde sen ve mehtap vardi
Simdi artik hepsi yandi
Ne mehtap kaldi yazik ne de sen
Nerden sevdim seni neden bilmem

Another raw translation coming up!

Don’t love me!
Don’t love me!
Your love is a lie just like you

There was only you and moonlight for me at night
Now it’s all gone
There is neither moonlight, I’m afraid, nor you
Why and how did I come to love you

mazi kalbimde bir yaradır


, ,

Mazi kalbimde bir yaradir
This was an obvious choice for us to play as it is the first recorded Turkish tango (written in 1928, recorded by Seyyan Hanim in 1932). I have been very familiar with the tune and the lyrics since my childhood. The soft sentiment, the unwavering love, the poetic desperation make it a touching song from a lyrical perspective. The music meshes it altogether. It was made popular again in Turkey in the 1970’s by Esin Engin.

Words by Necdet Rustu Tara. Music by Necip Celal Andel.

Mazi kalbimde bir yaradir
Bahtim saclarimdan karadir
Beni zaman zaman aglatan
Iste bu hazin hatiradir

Sarmadimsa da belden gecmedim bu emelden
Bir hazin maceradir O’nu aldilar elden
Baskasina yar oldu eller bahtiyar oldu
Gonlum hep bastan basa viran bir diyar oldu

I’ll try to give you a rough translation if you’re interested. I think it’s best to keep with the almost ‘direct’ translation approach rather than focusing on stylistic nuances as I’d like you to have the purest meaning of the song. Just a glimpse into those times!

The past is a wound in my heart
My fate is darker than my hair
It is this sad memory that
Makes me cry time to time

Even though I didn’t wrap around the waist
I still haven’t given up
It’s a sad adventure, they took her away
She became a lover to others, they became blessed
And my whole heart turned into a land laid waste

sensiz saadet


, ,

‘Sensiz saadet neymis’ is a song by Turkish singer, pianist and composer Yasar Guvenir (1929-1998) who was one of the pioneers in adopting the tango form for the popular Turkish music. His original recording of this song was released as a single in 1968 under the title ‘Gel desen gelemem ki’. You can find a great video of him performing the song, along with his trademark dark glasses and soft velvet voice on youtube.

‘Sensiz saadet neymis’ was a song that I heard a great deal of while growing up. My mother was a music lover and it was a popular song. The lyrics are so delicate and melancholic that it takes you elsewhere. We think that Yasar Guvenir was a great artist of his time with a wonderful voice and this is one of his most accomplished songs, lyrically and musically.

Sheboshka tried to do it justice and contribute their own jazzy interpretation of melancholy.

Sensiz saadet neymis
Tadmadim, bilemem ki
Alnimin yazisiydin
Ne yapsam silemem ki

Seni uzaktan sevmek
Asklarin en guzeli
Alistim yokluguna,
Gel desen gelemem ki

It roughly translates as;

What is joy without you
I don’t know as I’ve never had it
You were my destiny
I couldn’t rewrite it

Loving you from afar is
The greatest love of all
I’ve got so used to your loss
That even if you’d called out
To me
I couldn’t have come